do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
