I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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