If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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