jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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