u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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