She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
