my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
