I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
