he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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