then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
