I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
