I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
