I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
