yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
