he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
