garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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