Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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