Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
