Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
