I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
