ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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