So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
