sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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