I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize