He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sorry about my life...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
