I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
