So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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