Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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