We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
