So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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