So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
