i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
