I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
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