Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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