Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
