Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
