so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's blow job season.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
