I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
