who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
