PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
