I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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