This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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