When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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