Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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