i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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