he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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