Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
