all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
