This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
