i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
