Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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