dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
