I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
