Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
