I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
