All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
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I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
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Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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