I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
