Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She needs sedatives and a leash
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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