Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Randomize
