How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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