Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
