Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
