He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I love you.
Bad choice
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
