Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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