yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
