ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
