My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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