I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
