Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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